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The True Friendzone

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The Friendzone is sad.. 
Most of my friends are aromantic asexuals in some way. 
They have never really dated anyone, and they don't really want to date anyone. 
Partly because we already have trust issues with people in general. Because of stuff that has happened in our past, even the smallest little friend issue can lead us to think of betrayal, and feel like you hate us. 
We are the wall flowers. 
We don't really fit in, even if we are supposed to.  
We are very similar to other people in many ways and we do love the same things and it seems like we could be part of those groups, however we are major introverts. Very very unsocial people. We can usually only handle hanging out with up to 5 people at a time. Sometimes we just want to sit by ourselves. 
We hang out in the quietest places we can find anywhere at school. 
If a teacher or kid hurts or upsets one of our own, we give them hell. They are not to touch our pack of friends. Because of all the bullying and betrayal in the past, we are VERY and if not OVERLY defensive for our friends. 
We don't like to hang out for long amounts of time. 5 hours tend to be our limit weekly. 
Some of us like to hang out more than usual, but it usually depends from person to person. 
The idea here is that we are very conserved and isolated. Even to our best friends. 
 I think most of my friends are suffering from some type of depression. Thats probably one of the reasons we were drawn to each other in the first place, because we will listen, and we will try to understand. 

When I was younger, I didn't know how to handle it. 
But now I do. 
And although friends can tell you "I'll be here if you need me to talk to you, or I'll be here for you always" I realized that is not true. 
Someone can usually be very busy or having their own stressful time when you are having breakdowns or whatever, and upon realizing this, I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with my problem unless I find away around this. 
So I have, with lots of practice and focus, created a self-confidence within me that will fight back whenever I have issues, which so far has been very successful. 
Of course I can get really really low to a state of mind and have a breakdown, but I always get back up stronger than ever. 
As for my friends, I am doubtful. 
Some of them literally hate people. 
They have been around extremely rude people all their life, and now they have made the mistake of thinking ALL people are bad. 
Some only want to be with specific groups of people because they don't like talking to others they can't relate to. 
Some will flat-out ignore a nice stranger trying to make friends with them just because they refuse to trust anyone. 
Some are very quiet and have trouble speaking to strangers. 
Although I am an introvert, I have learned how to be an extrovert; but for a limited amount of time. 
I can talk to strangers at a party, I know how to handle people I haven't met or are new acquaintances with, and sure- sooner or later the person could be rude OR they could become my new friend! 
It usually depends on the day, but most of the time I can handle these situations myself. 
But my friends... as far as I've seen.. can't. 
I feel like an obligated mother towards them. 
I know they go through depression and that causes their laziness, but I still try and push them and encourage them so they will do well enough to at least graduate school! 
I know they have fights with their family at home, but still I try and encourage them to make up or put up with it somehow!
I know they have low self confidence, but I have to push them to meet new people! 

I have to prepare them for adulthood, because I'm afraid when the time comes they won't be able to make it. 
Being mature is one thing we all have even if it may not seem like it. But its different than the social adulthood. 
I myself am extremely confused and worried about it, but I am still able to handle myself and compose myself well enough to at least TALK to people... 

and because of all this 
I can't reach them 

Even as a friend, there is a limit to what you can be. Even if you treat someone like they're a family member, it still can only go so far. You don't know their pasts all the time. You can't always tell what happened at their home last night. 
A lover could be an exception to this, but because we never want lovers, we're never going to open our hearts to anyone.
We all keep it bottled up. 
I have friends who stay silent when they feel down. 
And no matter what I do or say, they refuse to talk. 
And that is fine. 
But even when it comes to the next day they won't give me a hint, It makes me sad. 
I can only help them as much as I can. 
This is the best I can do. 
But I know its not enough. 

Yet I still know.. 
letting them handle it on their own the hard way eventually, is all part of the process. 
You have to let them go and discover things on their own.. 
only you, 
yourself 
can fix yourself. 

They have to wake up and realize that they should not be in this kind of mental situation in the first place, and eventually they will work to fix it. 
When the day comes they show even the smallest evolution of that, I will be so proud. 
I am always proud. 

But right now it just hurts to see them hurting so quietly this way. 
Knowing there is not much I can do for them... 
the true friend zone 
is kinda sad 
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